it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
