Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
