She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
