I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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