It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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