My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
