Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize