I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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