So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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