Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
