yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
