just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
