I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
