it hurts more in the daytime
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
