Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
