Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
