6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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