just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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