we're blogging at a bar
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
