Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I understand Curling. That high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
