I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
