You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize