I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
