Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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