is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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