captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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