hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
