Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize