Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
