it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
