She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
