i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
