so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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