I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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