did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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