she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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