Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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