Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
