i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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