ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
