I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
