JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
