During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
