i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
