I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
