Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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