guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
