you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
