I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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