the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
