i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
