I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
