Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
