Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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