Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
