dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize