i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
