adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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