you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
