I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
