That's when you crack a 10am beer
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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