if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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