I want to walk on stilts...naked
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
