I got her a Nickelback box set.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
