yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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