After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize