no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
