i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
