We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
