I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
