What did we do last night that was yellow?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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