Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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