so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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