Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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