you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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