He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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