i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
