He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
