so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
