Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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