Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
