nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
