I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
