All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
