What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
