I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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