I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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