And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize