I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
