you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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