i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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