I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I believe in your delicious
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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