PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
