There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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