I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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