how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
