we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
