i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
