So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
