dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize