Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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