I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
