I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize