I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
