I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
