tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
